Hi folks!
I would like to first introduce myself before I discuss why I'm here. I warn you ahead of time: if you're not looking for a blog that may give inspiration and help, this won't be the blog for you. Thanks for visiting anyway!
I've decided that I don't want to use my actual name on here just yet to protect my privacy, so my name is Belle. I am a 23 year-old full-time student in California studying Communications. I do work part-time in retail, but I want to focus more of my time on school and dealing with my issues for the time being. I have lived here for ten years and like it for the most part, but I miss Nevada, where I grew up. I have a lot of likes and dislikes just like anyone else, so I won't go into those. If you want to know them, please read my bio or feel free to ask! I'm pretty much an open book. I'm here to share my own experiences in life and hopefully help another person heal. This is no easy task, of course, but to begin, I'll discuss exactly why I'm here.
I will admit that I have never thought about doing this before in fear of seeming "crazy," "needy," or "pity-seeking." I assure you that is not my intent. I believe that I've gone though quite a lot in life, more or less than others. We all go through stuff, but some of us believe we don't need help. I've tried ignoring it and it did not make life better for me at all. Some of us need help to deal with these experiences. I needed help. You may need help. I don't mind posting what I've gone through; however, I would much rather focus on the general reason for this blog. Again, if you want to know, ask. I'm here to take what I've learned through my healing to help others, even if it is one person. My main area of focus right now is codependcy. It's relatively an unknown term, but the behavior is extremely common. There seems to be no one definition for codependency, but I can try to explain it myself and then quote some actual experts.
Codependency is the behavior of taking on another's problem(s). This person may be an alcoholic, drug addict or have a compulsive disorder. Codependency seems to focus mostly on people caring for alcoholics, but it is very possible to exist in other situations. I consider myself to be codependent on my mother who has OCD and is narcissistic, so there really is no definitive outline to codependency. When a codependent takes on another's problem, they forget about themselves entirely. All focus turns to the person they're dependent on. The codependent literally loses who they are in caring for others. Further, the codependent will control the other person in multiple ways. This is a very difficult concept to think about and, even worse, to admit doing. To illustrate this, imagine the person being upset. What is your first reaction? You want to make them happy, right? You will do anything in your power to make them happy and if you can't, you feel guilty about it, as if it was your fault in the first place. This, believe it or not, is a form of control. Likewise, you do this when they're happy and you want to upset them. I don't think it's too frequent because most of the time we aim to make the person happy, but in some cases it does happen. The person comes to you very excited about something. Do you show your excitement for them? Or do you say something negative? I'll admit that I have said something negative when they're happy, and I never mean to, but it's a way of subconsciously controlling them. Anyway, there's much more to it, but I'll let the experts explain a bit more.
“As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in ‘toxic relationships’, in other words with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationships without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.” – Taken from
“Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself. It’s kind of a weird phrase, and it doesn’t sound like it means a one-sided relationship. But that’s what it is. It means you’re trying to make the relationship work with someone else who’s not.” – Taken from http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/signs-of-a-codependent-relationship
There's a ton more! Google "codependency" and you'll find many sites that discuss it. So, that being said, I'm here to help. I will be posting my own experiences with this and low self-worth to possibly help someone. Thanks so much for reading! Here's a little inspirational quote for you to think about too :)
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou
Take care,
Belle
